“Hey Chef”, South Park

Some of the “quotes” I like from South Park, by Chef.
Disclaimer: The following contains coarse language and due to its content it should not be viewed by anyone.

Chef with Boys

Episode 401

Chef: Well look at you cute little crackers with your money and your fancy clothes and your cell phones. It’s almost like you were… Oh my God! Children, what have I told you about drugs
Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny: There’s a time and a place for everything and it’s called college.

Episode 405

Stan: Chef, what’s a prostitute?
Chef sings: But a prostitute is someone who would love you,
No matter who you are, or what you look like.
Yes, it’s true, children.
That’s not why you pay a prostitute,
No, you don’t pay her to stay;
you pay her to leave afterwards
That’s why I pay’s a lot for prostitutes!
Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor
James Taylor: A prostitute is like any other woman,
They all trade something for sex and they do it well.
Chef: And that’s why I say-
Chef and James Taylor: Prostitutes! Prostitutes!

Episode 204

Chef: Hello there, children!
Boys: Hey, Chef!
Kyle: How’s it going?
Chef: Bad
Kyle: Why bad?
Chef: Children, I heard about what happened at school today! Now none of you tooked that nasty marijuana, did you?
Stan: No, dude! We never even saw it!
Chef: Okay, because I just want to tell you that drugs are bad.
Stan: We know, we know, that’s what everybody says!
Chef: Right. But do you know WHY they’re bad?
Kyle: Because they’re an addictive solution to a greater problem, causing disease of both body and mind, the consequences far outweighing their supposed benefits.
Chef: And do you have ANY idea what that means?
Kyle: No.
Cartman: I know! Drugs are bad, because if you do drugs, you’re a hippie; and hippies suck!

P.S.: It was damn hard to write this post, given that my mouse has gone crazy with clicks.